Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
