you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
