woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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