just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
