party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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