Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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