You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
