Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
