I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
