Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize