I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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