she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
