Your tits are I can't wait for
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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