I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
