I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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