she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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