I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
