vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
