I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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