the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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