His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
