party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
