Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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