can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
