I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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