people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
