I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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