So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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