i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We got so high we made milksteak
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
