Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
