Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
