Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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