If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
