girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
