we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize