went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
