Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
