I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
