i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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