I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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