I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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