nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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