Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
