hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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