i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
