I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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