yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
