So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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