I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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