seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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