so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
