i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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