He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
