Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
