I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
