I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
