I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So squirting runs in the family.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
