i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
