He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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