I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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