Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
