she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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