Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
