I think I am morally bankrupt
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
