So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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