but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize