dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
