Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
