Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
