My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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