Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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