my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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