Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
