I love black thongs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
