I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
