Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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