So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize