dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
