He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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