there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
