a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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