marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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