Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
