just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
