It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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