oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did i walk over a car last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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