I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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