We won't sleep together?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
