I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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