no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am one with the molecules
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
